Causes of Extramarital Affairs

Extramarital affairs can have devastating effects on the relationship and the spouse of the cheating partner. There are many reasons why people get into extramarital relationships. This article will explain the causes of extra marital affairs along with its effects.
| Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Extramarital affairs may be frivolous or may be serious resulting from some deep seated problems in the marriage. The reasons why people get involved in extramarital relations are many but it often boils down to trouble brewing in the existing relationship or marriage. Having said that it is important to understand that there are complex reasons responsible for extramarital affairs and each affair is different from the other.

Main Causes of Extramarital Affairs are:

Marriage
If the marriage itself is damaged or the relations between the two people are neglected and strained then it can result in people having affairs. If the relation has too many responsibilities or if the communication between the two people falls apart then it can result in people indulging in affairs. Finances, sharing, intimacy, religion are all important issues. Many marriages experience conflicts and if the individuals are not equipped to resolve the conflicts then it can cause problems and in the light of these problems one of the partners may be tempted to seek happiness and satisfaction elsewhere.

Self esteem Problems
Many people suffer from self esteem issues and such individuals are not able to handle the usual problems in the relationship. They are also often driven by the need to feel loved because of their low self esteem and search for companionship and love in person other than their partner. This problem is quite difficult to handle as no amount of love can really resolve the inherent self esteem issues unless they are tackled head on.

Love
Love like other emotions changes with time. The initial excitement and adrenalin of the first few years fades away with the passage of time. Sometimes people find it difficult to deal with this problem as they believe they need the excitement, passion and love rekindled. If that does not happen then they might try to find it somewhere else.

Sex
Sex is perhaps one of the most important reasons why troubles start in relationships. Sex is an amalgamation of love and passion between two people. With time sex can become monotonous and if there is a lack of desire, passion and romance in the relationship then it may drive the person to seek it with someone else. Sexual addiction is also a reason for people to seek extramarital affairs.

Desire for Happiness
As the society progresses selfishness and an individualistic pattern of thinking has become the norm. Many people do not seem to be bothered about their actions or what effects their behavior may have on the others. Consequently it has become socially acceptable and not entirely unusual for people to say that they weren’t happy and this is the reason many give in having extramarital affairs. Relationships have also become quite dispensable for some people.

Less Commitment
Marriage takes hard work for it to successfully thrive. Many individuals have commitment problems and often find it easier to walk out when the going gets tough. Extramarital affairs during marital separation are also common. This could be because relaxed divorce laws make it easier for people to walk out. Changed attitudes towards life have also reduced the commitment levels and importance of the institution of marriage. Education and career have taken precedence in many cases and people are not as committed towards marriage.

Unrealistic Expectations
Many individuals get married with a lot of unrealistic expectations from their partners. Often the relationship cannot live up to the expectations of the ideal love. The problem in this case is not with the relationship itself but with the beliefs and ideas about the relationship. Often many people are not equipped to accept and handle that the initial euphoria subsides. If one of the individuals in a marital relationship is not mature enough to handle the changes in the relationship then he or she may opt for an extramarital affair.

Other Issues
Some other issues that can cause people to seek love, companionship outside the marriage include mid life crisis. Mental problems, physical problems and other life changing events can also affect a relationship and cause people to seek love outside the marriage. Loneliness can also be one of the reasons for people seeking out extramarital affairs.

Effects of Extramarital Affairs:

If a person is in a relationship indulges in an extra marital affair then it can have a devastating effect on the partner as it is an absolute betrayal of trust and faith. Such an experience can end up in a bitter divorce as people at the receiving end of extra marital affairs often find it very difficult to forgive the erring partner. Such a person can also become distrustful and paranoid about relationships in general. The effects of extramarital affair on the relationship depend on the manner in which the couple approaches and attempts to resolve the problem. There will also be a deep resentment and anger towards the cheating partner. It will be very difficult for the individual to experience any degree of security and faith in the relationship again. Fear is also experienced as once an individual has had an affair his/her partner will remain fearful of such an event happening again. Sexual abstinence is also one of the effects of extramarital affairs. This is because the spouse of the cheating individual may find it very difficult to allow the person to touch him/her after the fact of an affair is known. Extramarital affairs can also cause serious effects on children with some believing it is alright to indulge in such affairs. Some other children may be deeply traumatized after seeing the pain of their parent. Identifying issues in the marriage and seeking counseling for the issues can help in problems associated with marital affairs.
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Reader's Comments

Share your thoughts on the article, post your comments!

Deepak on Saturday, October 9, 2010
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I am 46 year old person with 3 child having affair with 28 year girl from last 4 years which was working in my office. we love each other and after all odds we are not able to forget each other. in these years my business suffers a lot because of my wife knows about my relationship. we both need a peaceful life is there any way ?
» Neetu replies to Deepak on Wednesday, February 15, 2012
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Its sad really ...most for the 28 year old. ..but didn't u think about your wife and kids ..do u really think u have set a good example for your kids..sometimes i too feel like renewing an old affair because must husband really treats me very badly ..but then. i stop thinking of our child...
Seol on Saturday, June 12, 2010
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I think it's a bit complicated, the situation you are in. at your age it is difficult to get hold of emotions. you could think about the impact it would cause to your individual partners. after all life is about making sacrifices for the better good. you just need to let go somethings.
Samaya on Saturday, June 12, 2010
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I.m 29 year's old lady ,have 2 kids'i hav an affir wit a man who has 2 kids,n i love him a lot and he loves me to,i want to continu this relation until m alive,is it possibal?
» Gurdeep replies to Samaya on Friday, June 3, 2011
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U will never live happy with him or with ur marriage life..this type of relations will not live longer..try to forget him..otherwise u will distroying many lifes.ur kids, his kids , ur husband and his wife.u all will suffer.its my advice leave all that .think about ur kids